The news that Silvio Berlesconi is to abstain from sex until the Italians have had their election would come as little surprise to the Chinese, "Surely an election is essential when indulging in sex." However it threw me right off my stride. Until that moment I had never pictured the robust little Italian Premier in anything less than a dark suit. Now I am stuck with the mental image of Il Pomadoro naked, doing the Mussolini shuffle with some ravishing raven haired temptress... or even his wife. Let's face it the guy isn't Brad Pitt. He isn't even Ken Barlowe. He's more your slimmed down John Precott, only more articulate.... and better dressed, and more cultured and.... you know what, he's nothing like John Precott either. However, he doesn't come across - to me at least - as a sexual athlete which is as it should be. A Keen observer perhaps or a student of the pornographic arts perhaps but Conan the Horny, I think not.
That having been said, he is rich. He's got boodles of money and that of course makes him attractive to women who otherwise would stand at a distance saying things like, "...you've got to be kidding... with that?"

Now I can see this guy dressed in loose fitting pants with just a vest and a fag hanging from his bottom lip, sitting on a stool sipping red wine in a shaded bar in a Sicilian town like Corleone. I just don't want to picture him in the nip, his pimpled Italian butt, all hairy rising and falling with the rythm of a Texas nodding donkey. That body fluids would come from him, could come from him just makes me want to run for the nearest bucket. It makes you realise that... politicians screw. (Well they've been doing it to the people I guess so why not at home) But the fact is I don't want to know they do it. I just don't want to go to bed, turn the light off and be stuck with a mental image of Anne Widecombe in flagrante. I don't want the nightmare of John Prescott's groin negotiating his wife's hairdo for a blowjob. The idea that Tony and Cherie put it together is too appalling to think of and the notion that Gordon Brown didn't use artificial insemination to get his wife pregnant.... again.... just makes me want to put my fingers in my ears and mouthe incoherent nonsense to numb the pain. So please, politicians everywhere, if you're going to do anything involving sex... please do it in private and leave those of us who aren't getting any to our more exciting fantasies... please!