It was announced this morning that Prince Charles couldn't attend a function today because it was too cold to use his helicopter. Yes, well you get that with helicopters. The army have had a problem with that for years, avoiding war on cold days or taking other measures for which they are highly trained etc. "Look chaps, there's a bit of a nip in the air today. Best not risk the old chopper... what? If we hang on there's a number 14 bus which will pass right by the insurgents. We can just pop off at the stop before, hail a cab and attack. Whaddyou think? After brekkers, yes?"

"Wot abaht takin' a tank sir.?"
"Mmmm, don't think so sergeant. It's a bit muddy out there and there are one or two pot holes... could pose a problem."

"I've got a conker sir, it's a sixty eighter."
"Bravo Smith. Let's hang on to that possibility. Jenkins, 'you still got that catapult of yours?"

"Yessir!"
"Excellent, that'll make those suicide chappies think twice. Right then, brekky poo then orf we jolly well go."


Meanwhile Charles wants to revive interest in mutton. Mutton is - effectively - old sheep or old lamb, lamb that has grown up a bit, y'know, been to school, passed through college, out of short pants and into a frock and getting pissed in bars at weekends, a little bit past it, know wot I mean nudge nudge. It's impossible at this point to avoid mentioning Camilla in the whole mutton, lamb thing. Yeah it's too obvious, mutton dressed as lamb blah blah. But you just have to do it. Let's face it, he's handed us a gift, old Charlie boy. I mean what a gift for the wags of Wapping. Not that I'm saying Camilla is mutton dressed as lamb though she does have the face of a well aged Marino - and the hair to go with it.

I mean when she laughs she's more the winner of the 3.30 at Fontwell. Maybe its just Charles expressing honest interests, wanting to be hung for a sheep as opposed to lamb. Sorry. Didn't his advisors point out these rather obvious routes to ridicule? Clearly not. Does it take an advisor to do that? It shouldn't. It just goes to show how naive Chas' still is. Or that he has no concept just what the rest of us will say given the straight feed. Or that he has no sense of humour or the ability to ad lib and quip except for.... "That Nicholas Witchell, I hate him...."