Lantern jawed warbler George Michael was taken into custody last night when discovered, out of his box and slumped over the wheel of his Morris Minor at Hyde Park Corner. The police arrested him for being incapable of driving, then miraculously, un-arrested him after he'd been examined by a police surgeon. So presumably he wasn't out of his skull on booze or drugs, just grabbing a nap perhaps. But no, wait. Mmmm I see. So he was slumped over the wheel when a member of the public called the police but by the time he got to the cop shop, he was fine. Mmmm. So... Just a matter of the drugs then? No wait, I'm confused.


So he was slumped... slumped, yes slumped... Curious. Why would a completely sober detoxified driver be slumped over the wheel of his car? The first question we have to ask is, was the seat pushed way back and was there another person in the car with Michael, say... a hunky guy in a cop uniform for example? That could explain why he was "Slumped" over the wheel. It might have looked like he was "Slumped" from a distance. Particularly if he was sitting in said person's lap. However if that wasn't the case, and he was alone, was he slumped over his wheel asleep? Logical. You're a famous, easily recogniseable rock star and suddenly, you feel very tired. The ideal place to get a quiet kip is.... behind the wheel of your car at Hyde Park Corner where hardly anyone would notice you "Slumped" over the wheel of your car. Of course. Simple! Why, that has to be it. And therefore logically the police making the wrong assumption arrest you then realising what silly boys they've been, de-arrest you. Makes sense. Then it's just a matter of the class C drugs they found in Michael's possession?


What to do then. Un-de-arrest him then presumeably. Well you'd expect them to arrest him for that. Anyway, it's a jolly good start to Michael's retirement from public view, a much more behind the scenes affair planned for his future life. Should work a treat on that basis George. The trouble with addiction though George, it's very hard to break and for someone used to being George Michael, it's going to be very difficult to turn into Joe Soap! Even if the press and the fans were to let that be the case... which they wont luv! Still, good luck with it!