"It's fantastic. I don't know what to say. It's all just so incredible I... I... I just don't know what to say (Give me a minute) - sniff - I really didn't expect this award (Well I did, at least I thought I might get it, I was bloody good)and there are so many people I want to thank (Yeah right! But mainly me as I was sooo good, I mean, just how good was the director) Oh it's all been so unexpected (but geeze it's going to bump up the money. Yeah baby Yeah!) - sniff - and when you think where I was this time last year (...with barely a BAFTA to my name, and look at me now) I just can't believe my luck, (luck pah, I slept with half the Academy to ensure I dated this little gold guy, who by the way would look very good in a thong) I just hope my mom and dad are watching (yeah after the hell you put me through with that brace you bastards and don't think you're getting a penny from me.) and my maths teacher at school - giggle - who always said I'd make it - sniff (yeah in fact that's just the line he used to get me beteween the sheets, flattering my innocent ego, the bastard, well who's laughing now Billy Jo Bob) Thank you also to my voice coach was such a big help with his advice and encouragement (and he was right, regular sperm really does help the vocal chords) But most of all I want to thank my husband Hank for being so supportive - sniff - and patient - sniff - and always being there for me when I had doubts (who I'm going to divorce as soon as I can, for being off with that little teen slut he's been jumpin' while I was on location in the goddamn Mojave dessert eating dust for dinner, at least I will once I get Clooney handcuffed to the bed post) Thank you, thank you again, I love you all. (What a crock! In fact I couldn't give a damn what happens to any of them, just gimme the money, then it's off to the parties, yeehaaah!)