A man must be sure that a woman has agreed to have sex to avoid being accused of rape - a new campaign launched by the Home Office is to warn.
Mmm. Sounds okay in theory but could it really work. "Hey sauce box, before you get smashed out of your brains, pee your pants and throw up in my lav, how d'you feel about sex later... on second thoughts, forget it I've gone off the whole idea."

But what happens if the woman says she consents, then denies it the day after. Just how do you prove it one way or the other. Aren't the odds rather stacked against the man. Is it going to be another of those court rulings where the woman is going to be given the benefit of the doubt over the man just because he is a man and is traditionally in control of a situation like consentual sex. It isn't always the case. How do you prove that one person is being honest in such matters and that emotions and ego aren't playing a major part in the whole event. Just how daft is this going to get. Perhaps the man should therefore get something in writing first.


"I (Name Goes Here) and the undersigned, being of sound mind (before I downed a quart of Jack Daniels and a prawn Bhuna)and in full control of my faculties, for the moment, do hereby declare that on consideration of the facts, namely that (Name Goes Here) is a bit of a stud and looks like he's set up a community of squirrels in the underpant department and is therefore entitled to slip me : 1-2-3-4-5-6-Unlimited (circle where applicable)lengths during the course of the evening, even if I am rat arsed, pissed and smacked-out-of-my-head unconscious, on the dance floor or behind the bin area of any club where we've been downing as much liquor as we can before closing time. I also agree/disagree (circle where applicable) that he can/can not (circle where applicable) pass me round his mates, provided that: a)they wear condoms, b)do not kiss me, especially if they've just vomited, c)do not urinate over me just for the crack and d)promise to clean me up and prop me in a corner before they stagger off in search of another club or girl or boy or both. Signed :


Clubs will need to have little signing booths, photocopy machines and secretarial services. Maybe it would help to have a notary public standing by too. As a sideline, guys who aren't pulling could get other benefits such as a will service, which in the circumstances might not be a bad move. Perhaps Royal Mail should set up their services in a club to allow people to do their tax discs and buy stamps. It would pass the time. But in order to ensure there are no wrongful accusations over the sex issue, it would make sense for a man to take his solicitor with him whenever he goes for a night out. Just to be on the safe side. Yes, going clubbing might turn into something quite radical with the new laws they're proposing. I wonder what's on the telly!