It seems incredible that I would say this but "I wouldn't want Brigitte Bardot sitting on my face!" Well she is 71 and there are limitations. People do go off no matter how stunning they were and Brigitte was stunning.
I'm not that much of a catch myself any more and sadly Bardot's a bit of a fruit loop these days too. One get's the impression that a life of men hovvering around you with little on their minds but carnal gratification would naturally lead to cutting yourself off and preferring to devote the rest of your life to dumb animals who only want one thing, food!

Of course there is a long list of women I wouldn't want sitting on my face. Jade Goody for one, Monika Lewinsky (well used goods) and anyone stout. Recent joggers are off the menu, dancers, just off stage and lady weightlifters - wrestlers too.
Actually, having someone sit on your face is an acquired taste, like Escargots or Oysters. Now in fact, I like Escargots but not Oysters that much. Moules I really love but then they are cooked. I'm just not that keen on having something live sliding down my throat which brings me back to Brigitte. She was the all time sex kitten. Time has turned her - as it does all of us - into a mangy old pussy with a bit of an attitude. If you'll forgive me, I really wouldn't want to plunge my face into a well worn saddle bag full of long dead Escargots. Great memories are worth keeping great.



Brigitte Bardot, then and now

We're amazed to hear that Jade Goody - that well known famous celebrity and former contestant of Channel 4's Big Brother (don't knock it she made a reputed 2 mill' last year) - has split yet again with her former lover Jeff Brazier, father of her children, with whom she had split the first time and then got back together with again - am I making any sense - anyway it's all off again and she's back with Ryan Amoo with whom she split... god I'm losing the will to live! It's not that so much that we're amazed to hear. It's that anyone would even want to be with that lard arsed, loud mouthed, thick, course lump of woman. Let's face it, even if the looks didn't turn your stomach, having to listen to it sounding off noon and night would be a total turn off. We're not saying she hasn't got good qualities - though her stock in trade seems to be mouthing off with a volley of bad language, a real potty mouth - it's just that she keeps them deeply hidden, probably below layer on layer of flab. I mean, imagine that sitting on your face! Ugh, it's too early in the day to contemplate... no matter what time of day it is. But just imagine, you go to sleep having got pissed enough to shag her in the first place and then you wake the following morning with a bit of a thick head and memory loss and turn over and there staring you in the face is Miss Piggy's arse. Uuuuuhhhhh!


And just what are her kids going to be like with her as a role model; foul mouthed insensitive yobs? Watch that space! As astounding as that image is hearing how she has gone into the beauty industry with her own beauty salon. Alright it is appropriately named "Uglies". Talk about taking the piss! Hang on though, could it be that old Jade is not that dumb after all, thick yes but perhaps she's really a canny business women.... naaaah!