My Private thoughts, just for me... and a few of my "yes" people.


Dear Journal


Tuesday (or thereabouts) : I rose early this matins, 10am at least. Well I needed an early start and for another thing the bloody butler tripped in the corridor and scattered my tea things for a yard or two. Woke the whole of Clarence house, it seems, as many others were up then too. Gave him a round thrashing for five or ten minutes which got the old blood pumping.
Popped over to Camilla's room to see if she was up for it. Old 'Horse Face' was already about in her chambers and smoking one of those ghastly cigarette things. Still, we played hide the polo mallet for a while until breathless, we collapsed on the Persian carpet. That'll need dry cleaning.

Took a peek out of the window whilst shaving. Would you believe it, that bloody Nicholas Witchell was outside the gates doing a piece to camera. I hate him. He's so... ginger! That probably means one of two things. Either I've gaffed again or I've got to meet some thieving brown faced dictator from Bogo Bogo land or one of the Commonwealth countries, which means I'll actually have to touch his hand. Ugh! It's bad enough with common people.
Just how will I get through the day. I often wish I'd not been born of royal blood. The burden is so heavy at times. I wonder just how mummy copes, though she manages to just switch it on and orf! It explains why daddy is such a bastard I suppose. It would be nice to be just an ordinary member of society. Mr No-One living in a small average estate with half this number of servants and just a few hundred acres. I wouldn't need much, just enough money to get by on. Enough to run the jet and half a dozen cars. Spend my winters quietly in Gstaad or St Moritz, my summers in a small 50 roomed Palazzo in Tuscany or on the French Riviera in some tiny little chateau just outside Grasse with just one or two Ferraris. And a skelton staff of say ten. Slumming it maybe but peace of mind. Evenings spent quietly, driving myself to Monaco for some games of chance, Chemin de Fer in the Salon Privee at the Casino there and afterwards, a light supper of lobster and Cristal at the hotel De Paris.... peasant food.

Aah but that is not to be. Just where is that fucking butler with my brekkers! If he takes any longer I'm going to Camilla's rooms and he can bloody well work it out for himself... just before I fire the bastard!


P.S. Remember to say good morning to the plants in the conservatory. The orchid was a bit grumpy when I forgot yesterday, bloody green leaved prima donna.

Big brother is watching you!


In fact it wants to watch all of us and it wants to use Google and the other search engines to do it for them.
As if things weren't sinister enough with the right wing, religious underbelly of US politics today, the government have been trying to force Google, the search engine leaders, to divulge its search engine data including search criteria which in turn will give them access to personal web data on as many as three million individuals (to start with) on the pretext that it will help them fight terrorism and pornography. However, good on Google for resisting where others have capitulated. Long may they do so.


So what's the problem with pornography - apart from the obvious deviant areas of sexual expression - what's the deal? Even George Bush has had a fuck from time to time. He has two party loving daughters which prove it. George may even have done it sober once or twice.


Pornography may be frowned upon by the religious right, the bible bashers and evangelist preachers - from the back seats of their limos - though they clearly welcome death, destruction and torture in the name of their God. Strange that eh? The word hypocrisy leaps to mind. Sex is the most primeval of instincts in all creatures and is a biological foundation stone. To reproduce is the paramount instinct in all creatures. Is there any wonder then, that humans are drawn to it in all its forms. In humans it has also become recreational - well in most countries - as much pleasure can be derived from it. So one man's perversion is another man's or woman's turn on. That's how it goes. Is that wrong? Apparently!

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It seems to be a case of "Over my dead body!" The British Veterinary Association have said of bird flu the deadly H5NI strain;

A one-off dead bird isn't necessarily something to worry about...

Really?! The official UK line from the Health Minister Ben Bradshaw is that there is no reason to panic. I see. Right! The time to do that therefore is when? When bird flu is here and out of control? God forbid that we should panic and take preventative measures like the French and the Dutch who are putting their birds inside. But as the British farmers union have said, that would be a "...massive over-reaction."


So then, presumeably, if we do get hit by bird flu and it rises to epidemic proportions as a result of no one doing anything to stop it in the first instant, and bird farmers have to cull their flocks, they will not be seeking huge compensation payouts which of course would be a... a massive over-reaction? Right? Yes what a terrible thing to do to over-react about preventing the poultry industry from taking measures before the event. Ho, ho, no need for that, just throw another Range Rover on the barbie, top up the green wellies with surplus EU champagne, bully off to the drag hunt for a spot of R&R and wait for it all to happen... we presume. "Don't worry, there'll be another EU subsidy along any time soon. It's funny. There's nothing for a month or two, then suddenly, three come along together."


You have to wonder why something like the last devastating foot and mouth epidemic and the mad cow debacle didn't reduce British farms to deserted scrublands. Probably because unlike any other business venture, there are funds and schemes and subsidies a-plenty to bail out farmers and keep them in 4x4s until the next plague descends on them.


For once, it would be sensible after so many warnings to be prepared for the worst. Or does that mean farmers putting their hands in their own pockets first. Somebody please tell me. In other words, why do anything when we'll get compensated anyway. It's either a chicken and egg situation or a case of a bird in the hand. And for the British public, well we'll be up shit creek without a paddle paying more for imported chicken when it all goes belly pork up!

Lou Ferrigno, the giant of 70's TV Incredible Hulk fame, has just become a reserve deputy sheriff in Los Angeles.

God, wouldn't we all like to be there when he pulls up some stroppy dude weilding a Glock or Smith and Wesson and says, "You wont like me when I'm angry!" He's going to do it, you just know it's going to happen. In fact I think it was Bill Bixby - the normal half of the Hulk - who said it but I'll bet he's used it himself. It's almost worth whipping the guy into a strop to see if he will. Poor bugger must be sick of hearing it you'd think. But then it was his 15 minutes of fame, so why not.


The other thing I'd like to see is Lee Majors - The Six Million Dollar Man, We can rebuild him, at his son's sports day in the father's race. The starting gun goes off and all the other dads hurtle off, meanwhile Lee is doing a balletic slow motion sprint.


Still on the subject of 70s TV. Lynda Carter, Wonder Woman's husband says "Hey c'mon honey change, we're going to be late." Lynda says, "Give me a second." does her spin and Szbam! She's changed in one second flat. Hubby says, "What took you so long?"
There's one other thing I'd like to see - Arnold Schwarzenegger acting. I guess that's too much to hope for, except when he's being a politician. I see 70's and 80's heartthrob David Hasselhoff is in a movie called Click seems the old guy still has it!

He's just Gorgeous! But don't take my word for it... take his! By the way, I don't really think he's gorgeous, I'm not that sort of guy!

'Come and get, get your lovely ID cards here, fresh today, just off the presses. Going cheap!!!'


That's just about how it will go. Back street forgers will have them up and running faster than it takes a government think tank to spend millions designing them. The ingenious Chinese will have them copied and on the black market before the rest of us have seen the design. It's all a racket,a way for Gordon Brown to claw yet more revenue from a nation already taxed to the hilt.
A necessary burden on the population as Gordon sees it, to replenish the nations coffers straining under the weight of his ambitions for the third world, and money already spent beyond his means - something he believes the rest of us should be careful to avoid. Well we would....if we had more money in our pockets Gordon, but you keep taking it off us and spending it luv.

Do you really think this ID card will cut down the risk of terrorism? Not a hope. The forgeries will pop up like magic mushrooms and those who they are supposed to catch will carry immaculate replicas complete with forged biometric data and carry on as normal. Why? Because ID cards will not be as well scrutinised as are passports, not without more expensive technology which people will be reluctant to install - as happened in America when they tried to introduce explosive detecting equipment in airports. Nobody wanted to spend the money. Plus many people who are not used to having to prove who they are will forget to take their cards with them so it's either a case of "present your card at a police station within three days" in which case terrorists will simply vanish, or on-the-spot fines, yet another tax on the people. No doubt that one has already been factored in for a later date.
Then there will be more fines for not getting them on time, having the wrong sort or some other means of taxing the nation through the ID card. Just watch how many other ways of raising money they come up with connected to ID cards once they're on the statute books.

No it's about tax, not security. It's a money making scheme to bail the Chancellor out of his current fiscal mess. If it was about security, it would be more complex. It would need to be. It's bunkum, hogwash, crap on a grand scale and wide open to corruption, fraud and forgery. It just won't work. Most of us know it but the government are hoping to frighten the population enough to bring it in because they need it and they need it in place before Brown's fiscal pack of cards crumbles. When they caught Ramzi Ahmed Yousef the supposed mastermind behind the World Trade Centre Bombing he had a dozen or so forged ID cards. What good were ID cards then. They caught him thanks to a tip off and a two mill' reward!